Post-breakup blues can make us reflect about our lives. It might take time for you to look at the bright side, but at some point, a few crucial realizations will dawn on you, and you’ll realize that life isn’t quite so bad as you thought it was, the state of your love life notwithstanding. Here are a few things you tend to only realize or appreciate after a breakup:
1. That you can be happy without your ex (or any man)
The world does not end even if he’s out of your life. You realize that happiness is a choice, and that he is not your only source of happiness. You appreciate more the people, things, interests, and hobbies that make you happy. Perhaps at first, it’s a huge effort to be happy, but after a while, you notice that you’re genuinely having a great time. In the end, you’ll realize that there are paths to happiness that don’t require that particular guy (or, sometimes, any guy at all).
2. How much more time you have for yourself, your friends, and your family
There maybe was a time when you neglected to take time for yourself, your friends, and your family because you always wanted to be with him. But now you realize how much you’ve missed spending time with your gal pals and loved ones. You feel free and like you’ve let go of your worries. You also have more time for the things you’ve always wanted to do, like travel alone or learn to speak another language.
3. How much you are worth
Love and infatuation can make you forget about your own feelings just so you can please the other person in your relationship, even at the risk of being hurt yourself. After ending an awful relationship, you’ll love yourself more and understand that your worth must not be compromised. A good partner values and respects you.
4. What your standards are
You’ll realize the things you can’t compromise when it comes to a partner and a relationship, like your values and your dreams and goals in life. You’ll make sure that you won’t settle for less than a man who supports and respects all of who you are in your next relationship.
5. The good in the bad
Someone once told me that we should treat each experience—whether good and bad—as an adjustment to the learning curve. You learn what went wrong. You also get to ponder on not just your partner’s mistakes, but yours as well. The relationship helped you understand yourself more. You will know what to do when a similar situation happens in your next relationship. Even if it didn’t work out, it made you better (when you’re done with the bitter stage) and stronger.
6. Your ability and openness to love
Before your relationship, you might not have known the lengths and depths you would go to for love. You might not have known how creative you could be when it came to surprising someone else or finding solutions to your problems. Imagine being able to love that much and still love despite being hurt and taken for granted. Wow, you should be proud of yourself because you did love your ex no matter what. That your relationship ended was not a reflection of your ability to love.
7. How strong and independent you really are
Maybe you were afraid to break-up with your ex because you didn’t know if you could take the pain. But here you are now, you’re doing fine and probably much better than before. Even if that’s not the case, you’re getting through day after day, which is a victory in itself. You learn how much a fighter you are by not letting one experience get the best of you. You are more in control of yourself now, and you realize that you’re a strong and independent woman who is secure with herself. You don’t need to rely on a partner to make you feel special.
8. That one bad relationship does not mean you’re meant to be alone
Some people get jaded after being in a toxic relationship. They get scared of loving again and purposefully avoid being attached with someone. But you’ll realize that your previous relationship is an isolated case, that it does not need to define your next relationship if you don’t let it. You let go of the thought that because you’ve been in one or two or three or even more failed relationships, the next one will be the same. There is no rush, of course, but you’ll eventually learn to let go of bitterness and be open to love instead.
If you are still moving on from your past relationship and haven’t realized these things yet, I hope this article will help you move forward. As the line from the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button goes, “I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”