Here’s the scariest thing about being single: society is harsh on single women.
It’s an ugly truth, and a persistent one at that. It’s bad enough that you haven’t found someone who loves you for who you are, and society’s constant judgment makes it worse. There’s also that misguided thing about equating beauty with couplehood. We have ben led to believe that being attractive is what makes a woman valuable, and there’s only one notion of beauty that we have to aspire for. The thing is, attractive women snag the guys, and if you’re single, then there must be something wrong with you.
“There must be something wrong with me,” was a recurring thought that I would tell myself ever since high school. Now, I’m 30, and it’s only until recently that I banished this self-destructive mantra from my thoughts, especially when I’m always reminded by it practically every single day. Well-meaning relatives would always ask me, “Single ka pa rin? Bakit wala ka pang boyfriend?” as a way of saying “hello” during family reunions. People constantly remind me about my body clock like it’s a ticking time bomb, as if that’s my only purpose in life. I’d attend weddings and children’s parties, and some acquaintances would look at me with concern because I still don’t have a “plus one.” I felt that people felt sorry for me, and I felt really sorry for myself.
But then, it finally dawned on me. Why should I let myself feel bad that I don’t have a significant other? Why should I feel bad about being single?
After all, being single allows me to be truly happy in my own skin, minus the expectations of a significant other. Being single allows me to discover who I really am, what I want to do, what makes me happy–at my own pace and at my own terms. Being single allows me to cultivate myself, to try out new things and new experiences. Being single allows me to love myself, without being dependent on the love of someone else.
What’s so scary about being single is that we have been led to believe that it’s a horrible thing, when in fact, they could be the best of your life! It is by no means a measure of your worth, and you shouldn’t let it be one. It is not a judgment. It is not a punishment. It’s a gift.
It’s high-time we start being afraid of being single and embrace it for what it really is.
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